we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I CAN MOONWALK!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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