Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
