Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
