stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
