he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just made my gag reflex go away.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
