Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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