Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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