Me. At least after what I've been through.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm like, not good at living.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
