why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
