I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
