The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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