you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
