Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
