eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
