you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
