Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
