so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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