you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
