I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
