wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
