I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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