Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
