wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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