soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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