I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
