yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
