At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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