Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
