i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
