dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Barsexuality is the new black.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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