Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
