i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Bring me that man meat
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
