I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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