he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
