I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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