one two three fourrrrnication!
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
