My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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