The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
