Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
