just tell him i said nine months
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
