I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
