brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
