i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
