is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
