1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Randomize
