I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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