You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
