haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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