i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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