Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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