I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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